


Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place With You

by Lavendermagik



Series: Stuck in the Middle [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Humor, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert, also pining, lots of talking, mentions of attempted sexual assault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27328411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavendermagik/pseuds/Lavendermagik
Summary: Well, you may be home, but this isn't exactly what you pictured. Loki on one side and your friends on the other, and you somehow have to bridge the chasm between. That is, if you don't destroy the entire fabric of space and time in the process.
Relationships: Avengers Team & Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Series: Stuck in the Middle [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609924
Comments: 41
Kudos: 105





	1. Is it any wonder she chose to come to me?

**Author's Note:**

> **Please Read Me**
> 
> Okay, cards on the table: I know how this is going to end. And I'm still old and don't understand a whole lot, but I think it might count as triggering for some people. It's not sexual or graphic, but I don't want to ever cause anyone any kind of mental distress. So if you're concerned, send a message to my Tumblr or an email to horsegirl1389[@]yahoo.com (don't judge the email, I made it when I was 13), and I will flat out tell you what's going to happen so you don't end up investing a lot of time reading something that's just going to ruin your day later.
> 
> All right, mood ruined. Let's begin.

“Are you sure this is going to work?”

Tony glared at the screen instead of Steve, who had been asking variations of that question for months. “It’s the same play as what S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted Banner to do in the beginning. Except this time, we lock on to the gamma radiation and redirect the flow.”

“And you’re sure it’s safe?” Clint was pulled tighter than his bow string, regularly shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

“Obviously.” Tony paused as Clint fidgeted again, and then added in a quieter tone, “You’re not the only one who wants her back in one piece.”

“One piece might be hoping for too much.” Natasha’s voice was deceptively even. “She’s been held hostage by a madman for almost a year.”

“If that is truly what she is.”

Tony’s frown deepened as he checked levels that didn’t need checking. “It is.”

“I have told you before of the reports we’ve received on Asgard. Even my own men agree that she now accompanies my brother willingly.”

“And I told you the reports are wrong. You don’t know her like we do, Point Break. She wouldn’t do that.”

“Perhaps. Or perhaps she is no longer someone you would recognize.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Steve cut in before Tony could let his temper run his mouth. “First we need to get them both back here.”

“So what are we waiting for?” Rhodey leaned against a table, ankles and arms crossed. 

“We’ve locked on to the Tesseract’s signal,” Bruce’s quiet voice came from behind another screen, “But we can’t activate it ourselves. They need to make a jump before we can do anything.”

“Then why exactly are we all here?”

“Lady Sif and the Warriors Three are closing in on their current location. If they wish to avoid capture, they will be forced to flee once more.”

“Should I be suited up for this?”

“Not if everything goes to plan.” Natasha stepped into Tony’s periphery, hand on her chin as she scrutinized the screens. “But stay on your toes. We don’t know for sure what he’s capable of.”

“Or she, if the stories are to be believed.”

Tony felt the thin fibers of his patience snapping. “I already told you-”

A buzzer sounded, and various screens began to flash. Tony reigned himself in. “Showtime, everybody.”

Each of them tensed as Tony and Bruce’s movements became quicker. A sound filled the room, like rushing water, and the air pressure rose significantly. Then, with a boom and a burst of light, two figures appeared in the room’s center. Thor released Mjolnir immediately, launching it into his brother’s chest and throwing the man into a familiar glass cube. He called the hammer back to his hand as Tony hit the button that secured the cell. 

Loki safely contained, the whole room seemed to hold its breath as you tore your eyes away from him to look at the rest of them somewhat apprehensively. “Hey guys. How’s it going?”

Tony was the first to break, moving with quick strides to wrap his arms around you in a crushing embrace, not taking note of how you flinched initially, though it didn’t escape the notice of sharper eyes in the room. “What did I tell you about leaving me?”

You closed your eyes, breathing in his expensive cologne and familiarity, and raised one hand awkwardly from your arm’s pinned position to pat his back. “Sorry, Tony, didn’t really have time to leave a note.”

“You’re forgiven.” He released you, only to take hold of your shoulders. “What do you want first? Cheeseburger? When I got back to civilization, the first thing I wanted was a cheeseburger. You probably need a full medical examination, but I can order out.”

“Uh…” Your eyes darted to Loki, who was watching you attentively, a movement Tony did pick up on.

“Don’t worry about him – he’s not going anywhere. Even if he tries to warp out of here, he’ll be redirected right back in there.”

“Oh, that’s… pretty ingenious, actually.”

“Thank you.” Tony moved one hand to your back and used the other to gesture towards the door. “Now, let’s get you out of here and into a burger-”

“Tony,” Natasha’s voice was soft but firm and brokered no argument, “she can’t leave until we know the situation.”

“Excuse me, but we do know the situation. Genghis Khan’t over there stole Gizmo, and we got her back. End of story.”

“Tony,” this time it was your voice, equally as soft but a little less firm, “that’s not exactly the situation.”

His hand fell from you as his expression started to lock up. “No.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say yet.”

“Unless it’s that he’s a psychopath who’s been holding you against your will this whole time, we have a problem.”

“Okay. Then we have a problem.”

Tony’s entire demeanor iced over, and he took a step back towards the others, who stood together as if already banded against you. And to the side, waiting with relative serenity in his cell, Loki smiled.

“So the reports are true? You have been aiding Loki in his flight?” Thor, at least, didn’t seem to be on his way to hating you. He sounded more curious than anything.

“I mean… yeah, but-”

“In other words, you’re a traitor.”

You stared at Tony in horror. “What? No-”

“I defended you,” he bowled right over your protests. “No matter what we heard, I had your back. We’ve spent months trying to figure out how to save you, bring you home safely, and now you tell us you’ve been _helping_ this lunatic? After everything he did?”

“I know-”

“Or did you just decide to ignore all that? How he brainwashed Barton and killed Coulson and tried to wipe New York off the map?”

“Of course not-”

“Tony-” Steve tried to break in, but he was on a roll.

“Maybe you just forgot watching him throw me out a window? Or stab Thor? Or directly cause the deaths of hundreds of people? You’d think, if nothing else, at least you’d remember the part where he almost killed you.”

“You know,” the unexpected sound of Loki’s strangely calm voice managed to halt Tony’s tirade, “for someone who purports to care for her so deeply, you certainly aren’t allowing her the opportunity to explain herself.”

“Oh no, Bullwinkle,” Tony jabbed a finger in his direction, “you don’t get a vote here.”

“Please don’t try to help right now,” you pleaded to no avail.

“All I’m saying,” Loki seemed content to ignore both of you, “is if this is your idea of loyalty, is it any wonder she chose to come to me?”

Your body sagged like half your strings had been cut. “Why are you like this?”

“What did you do to her?” Clint’s sudden sharp demand made you jump. He stepped out from behind Natasha to glare at Loki, who turned his admittedly unpleasant smile on the archer. 

“Agent Barton, how are you?”

“I’ll be a lot better when you’re locked up for good or dead. Tell me what you did. You got your fingers stirring around in her brain, too?”

“He didn’t do anything like that,” you interrupted before Loki could say something antagonistic. “He doesn’t even have his scepter.”

Still, Clint kept his focus on Loki. “I’m sure he could figure out another way.”

You rolled your eyes, but then shot a glance to Loki. “Could you?”

“If I could, do you think I would be participating in this farce?”

“You let her go, or I swear-” Clint’s hand went to the holster on his thigh, thumbing back the strap, but Natasha grabbed his wrist before he managed to get the gun all the way out. 

“That box is so strong even the Hulk couldn’t bust out of it. You really think a bullet is going to have any effect?”

“It would have an effect on my mood.”

Steve said your name, volume restrained but tone sharp. Half numb, you turned your gaze to him. “Don’t make this any worse.”

“Huh?” You followed his eyeline down to find your hand resting on the gun at your hip, and you immediately moved it away. “I didn’t mean… sorry, that was vaguely but unintentionally threatening. It’s just… when I’m nervous... you can’t actually think I would…”

“Maybe we should move this to a less hostile environment,” Bruce said evenly from his place in the corner where he’d been quietly watching the exchange unfold. He looked at you and added, “Tony was right about the medical exam. We can check you out while you tell us what exactly happened this past year.”

At that moment you didn’t think there’d ever been a better man than Bruce Banner.

“What about him?” Clint asked, furious gaze still trained on Loki.

“Like Tony said, he’s not going anywhere. We should keep our focus to one problem at a time.”

Everyone began to file out of the room, and you didn’t miss how they formed some sort of formation to surround you, whether by design or natural instinct. You managed to catch Loki’s eye a final time, and he nodded once, though you couldn’t be sure if it was in encouragement or gratitude or some other secret signal he’d forgotten to let you in on. Then he disappeared behind the door frame, and you were left to figure out how to explain to your friends that you hadn’t gone full Benedict Arnold.


	2. I can’t wait to hear what your little band of merry misfits has in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone ever write something and then adjust it some and add some stuff and rinse and repeat, and then the day before you want to post it just trash the entire thing and start over completely? Not asking for any particular reason, just making small talk. Anyway, here's the second chapter.

Bruce’s hands were gentle throughout the exam, which was nice when everything else was so… not. You knew he wouldn’t find anything – Loki cared more about your health than even you did – but he did provide a welcome distraction from the hard stares of everyone else.

“You were going to explain.” Oh, steady, stalwart Steve. You hadn’t realized how much you’d missed him, and now his detachment might reduce you to tears.

“Yeah, I really should have given more thought to how I should do that.” You watched Bruce remove the blood pressure cuff from your arm and took a deep breath. “Okay, so there’s not really a good place to start this, so I’m just going to jump right into the most crucial thing. There was a divergence in the timeline, and we’re living in one of the offshoots. The Loki from the first timeline, who was apparently the president of the me fan club, sent his memories back to all other Lokis, and now _our_ timeline’s Loki feels _that_ timeline’s Loki’s irrepressible need to protect me.” You paused and realized none of them had moved, and their unsynchronized blinking was unsettling. “I know it sounds crazy.”

“Do you?” Natasha asked, still composed. Her tone was so dry it grated on your skin. “Because you said it like it should make perfect sense.”

You huff and jab a finger at Tony. “It’s actually your fault, you know, so you at the very least can stop looking at me like that.”

He frowned, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. “How exactly is any of this my fault?”

“You were the one who went back in time and messed it all up. Or you will. Or you would have. Sorry, the verbs get a little confusing.”

“I don’t think it’s the verbs that are confused.” Colonel Rhodes had spent the least amount of time with you prior to this and so seemed the least willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Which, honestly, rankled you. You’d saved his best friend’s life once. That should count for something.

“How do you know this is a divergent timeline?” Steve asked, so at least he was giving credit where credit is due.

Except your answer wasn’t going to go over well. “Loki showed me the memories from the other one.”

“Oh, well, if literal god of lies said so, it must be true.”

“In my defense, I didn’t believe him at first either. But there were things in them he couldn’t possibly know about.”

“I want to believe the best of my brother,” Thor hadn’t bothered with a chair, and stood nearby with his massive arms crossed over his equally impressive chest, “but he may have powers you do not comprehend. We have no way of telling if he speaks the truth or not.”

“But I do! That’s why he took me to begin with. Those memories show over and over that I see through his lies and tricks, and that pissed him right off.”

“Once again, this is something _he’s_ told you.” Steve, though more temperate, was nowhere closer to believing you than Tony with his open mockery.

“It’s something I’ve experienced firsthand. Thor, remember when you were in S.H.I.E.L.D. custody after you tried to get Mjolnir back, that first time you fell to earth? Loki showed up, but you were the only one who could see him. Except for me. When he was having telepathic conversations with the Other, I knew, even though there was no outward sign he was talking to anyone. I don’t know why, but I’m able to see these things when reasonably I shouldn’t.”

“What’s the Other?” Natasha broke in, causing you to sigh.

“That’s a separate piece of this convoluted story. Do you want to know about it now, or should we finish up this timelines discussion first?”

“What discussion?” Rhodes scoffs. “The idea is clearly insane.”

“Okay, rude. I’m still sitting here, you know.”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to call it insane,” Bruce says, eyes a little distant as he thinks. “Theoretically, time travel is possible.” His gaze focuses back on you. “But we’re talking extremely theoretically at this point.”

“Not to mention extremely dangerous. The quantum mechanics alone are baffling.”

“You trying to tell me you couldn’t figure that out in a night if you really put your mind to it?” 

You and Tony proceed to have an intense staring contest, his pride too strong to either confirm or deny your assertion.

“For the sake of argument, let’s say Tony did figure out time travel.” Steve leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees, blue eyes intense. “ _Why_ would he go back in time.”

“Well, that sort of circles us back around to the Other, because both have to do with the same giant, angry grape.”

“Giant angry grape?” Rhodes was still unimpressed.

“Some guy named Thanos who wants to wipe out half of all existence because of resource scarcity or something.”

“Thanos?”

“Ever heard of him?” Steve leaned back to get a better look at Thor who nods slowly.

“Rumors. He is called the-”

“Mad Titan, yeah. He’s the one who messed with Loki’s head and sent him to take over the earth. Loki might have been the gun, but Thanos is the one who pulled the trigger.”

“Loki’s mind was tampered with?” Thor may have tried not to sound hopeful, but he did a rather poor job.

“His memories, his actual memories, were weird. He remembers you throwing him into an abyss. And now I owe him a dollar because I said the word abyss again.”

He frowned. “I did not throw him.”

“No, he knows. I don’t know if he’s come to grips with it or not, because it kind of colored his whole worldview for a while, but he knows about the mind control part of things.”

“Oh, now there’s mind control?” Tony looked so done, to which you could relate, except you were on opposite sides of it.

“Well, we think. We have a theory that his scepter might have been influencing him at the same time he was using it to influence everyone else.”

“We?”

“Yeah? What did you think we’ve been doing this past year if not trying to figure all of this out?”

“I _thought_ you were being held hostage, so forgive me if I’m not on board the Loki-is-a-victim bandwagon yet.”

“That’s a fair point, sorry.”

“Now that you mention it, I did notice something strange when we were all still on the Helicarrier.” Bruce had taken a seat nearby, and now he reached for a tablet and began to scroll through files. “The lab on board has sensors that keep track of everything in the room, including the biometric readings of every body inside. Right before we were attacked, we were busy attacking each other. But right before _that_ , each of us had a spike of activity in our amygdala, which resulted in a release of adrenaline and cortisol.”

“That always happens when tensions rise,” Natasha said, though she watched him curiously.

“During, yes, but these spikes happened before the fighting broke out, far enough before that it’s what caused the fights and not the other way around.”

“And you think the scepter caused it?” Steve asked, and bless him for keeping an open mind.

“The thing ended up in my hand, and I have no memory of picking it up at all. I don’t think we can disregard the hypothesis that it could have had a negative effect on us.”

“But that has nothing to do with whether Loki was under its control. It makes more sense that he was the one controlling it the whole time.” Tony’s stance, on the other hand, appeared set in stone.

“Makes more sense from your point of reference that he’s some big, evil super villain.” You should have known better than to take that tack, but his stubbornness was making you strangely defensive.

“Are you saying he’s not?” he shot back like a challenge.

You stared at a screen on the wall showing Loki in his cell, motionless, arms at his side. He appeared placid, except for his eyes. They never strayed from the door, and you knew that the longer you were out of his sight, among those he would consider enemies, the tighter he would be wound. If nothing else, the odds of them giving you back to him were already remarkably low. “I’m not… it’s complicated. He’s complicated.”

“Are you in love with him?”

Tony’s question felt like a physical shock through your whole body. “What?”

“Because you sound like a high school girl with a crush on the school bad boy who skips gym to smoke under the bleachers.”

“Careful with those quantum leaps your taking. You might end up in the past again.”

“Then why didn’t you try to contact us?” He leaned forward, flat expression becoming animated once more around his bright, accusing eyes. “A guy kidnaps and becomes unnaturally obsessed with you, you find out there’s this big, existential threat on the way, and you don’t even bother to drop us a line? We spent the last year trying to find a way to get you back, worried the whole time that there wouldn’t be anything left by the time we did.”

“I did not worry,” Thor added matter-of-factly in the space left by Tony's words. “I received many reports of your wellbeing as my brother’s willing accomplice.”

That combination of contradictory sentiments and tones was enough to reset your brain, and you slouched a little without the strength of your frustration to bolster you. “Okay, look, you’re right. I should have found a way to get you a message explaining what was going on. But it felt… personal. Like it was something I had to take care of on my own. I know how you guys feel about him, so…”

“Can you blame us?” When the words come from Steve, they’re much gentler and less sarcastic, more balm than barb.

“I’m not saying your feelings are illegitimate. Just that they’re not conducive to what I’m trying to do.”

“And what exactly are you trying to do?”

“Get me out of his head so that we’re all free to figure out what comes next. But whatever that is can’t happen if I’m still taking up space in there. Forcing someone to care that much for another person is cruel and unusual, no matter what crimes they’ve committed.”

“If you’d done it, gotten rid of the memories, then what were you going to do?”

“He would have dropped me off on earth and made a run for it.”

“And you were going to let him?” The sparks of Tony’s anger had yet to be extinguished.

“Not because I’m in love with him or whatever you’re thinking. But it would reset everything to the way it should have been, wouldn’t it? The way things would have happened if his future-other self hadn’t interfered. You all trying to catch him, him evading for as long as possible, me staying out of it to focus on making things that blow up. You know – the simple life.”

“Let me get this straight – all we have to do it get rid of these memories you say he has, and you’ll remove yourself from this situation, let it play out the way it would have initially?” Tony’s inflection hasn’t changed, and so you mentally stumbled a moment before you caught up.

“I mean, I guess, yeah. But what are you going to do? We’ve been searching for a year and haven’t found anything.”

He let his eyes drift towards the ceiling. “Hey, doc, you familiar with the theory that specific memories can be erased by targeting certain neurons in the hippocampus?”

“I’ve heard of it.” Bruce’s expression shifted slightly. “And if those memories were acquired unnaturally and all at once, the equivalent neurons should be fairly easy to identify.”

“Then it’s settled.” Tony clapped his hands once and then used both to point. “We blast his brain with a laser, tell Fury you were an unwilling captive the whole time, and go out for celebratory pizza. Ever tried it with vegan cheese? Sounds disgusting, but Pepper swears it’s better.”

“Tony, I’m not asking anyone to lie for me.”

“You made a mistake.” His face changed from upbeat to serious in a split second. “An unbelievably stupid mistake, but if we want things to go back to normal, that involves you not being arrested for aiding and abetting an intergalactic war criminal.”

“You can’t handpick which mistakes are punishable based on your feelings for the person. That’s not justice – that’s nepotism.”

“I’m sorry, did you want to be arrested?”

“I want you to give Loki a fair hearing.”

“Oh, I will. I’ll hear he’s going to be locked up to stew in his own fetid juices until the end of time, and then I’ll go for pizza.”

“Tony!”

“May I suggest we continue to focus on one issue at a time?” Bruce was quickly becoming your favorite Avenger. “The current problem is whatever binds you to Loki, and I believe that’s within our capabilities to solve.”

“You really think you can get rid of his memories?”

“I’ll need to run some simulations, but the probability is in our favor.”

“Okay… okay, that’s good. Just… let me tell him. I don’t think any of you is going to frame it in a way that he’ll find compelling.”

Steve, Thor, Nat, and the unusually silent Clint accompanied you back to Loki’s holding cell. The slightest shift in his posture when you walked through the door spoke to Loki’s relief, though the smile he graced you with was more enigmatic than kind. “Did you have a productive meeting?”

“Depends on your definition of productive. But we think we have a way to fix everything.”

His eyebrows ticked up. “Everything? Well, then I can’t wait to hear what your little band of merry misfits has in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 
> 
> Sometimes all these notes are is a place to sneak in my other interests and show off whatever new html code I learned.


	3. How dramatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or something.

You outlined the plan, and he managed to look at least remotely interested, though you figured he was really just waiting for you to finish so he could ask, “And what of you?”

You suppressed a sigh, wondering if he’d retained anything about your proposed attempt to hack his head. “Tony wants to lie to Fury to keep me out of trouble.”

His eyebrows hitched up, and he nodded. “I approve.”

“Of course you would approve of lying.”

“I approve of anything that keeps you from harm’s way.” His face might be blank, tipped up in a show of pride, but his voice had a soft, low quality that spoke what his expression didn’t.

“I’m not the one in harm’s way now.” Because maybe he’d missed the part about going manual on his _brain_. “I’ll be fine.”

He smiled, and your muscles tensed out of habit. “How could that be, when it is apparent I have so thoroughly tainted you?”

“Don’t… say things like that,” you hissed, eyes narrow. “It sounds super creepy.”

The noise of the door whooshing made you jump, and you turned to see Clint had disappeared. Natasha locked eyes with you and said, “I’ve got him,” and then she too was gone. 

You took a slow, deep breath and shot Loki a withering look. “Congratulations. Pleased with yourself?”

“I am not displeased,” he returned, sly smile still in place. “The worst is already expected of me. I see no reason not to deliver.”

You shut your eyes and pressed your fingers to either side of your nose. “Can you do me a favor?”

“First you would have to ask it.”

You looked at him past your hands. “Can you just… try not to make this worse?”

“Define worse.” His face did an odd twitching thing, which usually meant a glitch in his matrix, some intersection of his other life with this one. 

“I’m trying,” you lower your hands and your voice, but considering the other two occupants of the room are a God and a super soldier, it probably didn’t do much good, “and I think I can talk everyone down, but none of it will matter if Tony snaps, straps you to a rocket, and blasts you into the sun.”

“How dramatic.”

“And well within his current capabilities.”

“I will do my utmost best,” he said, eyes running over your serious expression. “I have no wish to vex you.”

“Your only wish is to vex me.”

He tilted his head, expression shifting as his voice went soft again. “I believe you vastly underestimate my capacity to want.”

You froze. What exactly was the correct response to that? He was so close and yet completely unreachable behind a thick sheet of glass, which was making you feel a lot of things, none of which you could fully understand. Then you cleared your throat and took a step back, because once again: audience.

“I’m going to go help in the lab.” You typed a few keystrokes into a nearby screen, and a video of Bruce and Tony piddling around while Rhodey watched popped up. “This is a direct video feed there. You’ll be able to see everything we’re doing, okay?”

He only nodded, but you could spot the gratitude in his eyes. Maybe he’d be able to manage his stress levels if he could at least see you. You got stuck staring at him for another long moment before you snapped yourself out of it and made for the door where Steve appeared at your side. “I’ll walk you.”

You flashed him a smile which he didn’t return, and so you trained your gaze on the floor tiles. The halls were wide and empty, and so when he spoke again, the echo of his voice as it bounced back at you felt far too loud. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Your eyes jerked up to find him looking at you with very little expression. “Uh, yeah, Bruce would have said if something was wrong with me.”

“That’s not what I-” He cut off as he pulled to a stop, and you watched with interest as his cheek twitched. “With everything that’s going on, none of us took the time to really check in with you. And after what’s happened over the past year…”

You relaxed minutely, finally noticing the softness at the edges of his stern exterior. “I’m good, Steve. I know it’s hard to believe, but it wasn’t all that bad. Except for how much I missed you guys. Even if Loki spent an absurd amount of time looking like you, it wasn’t the same. Speaking of which, you might want to be careful with any intergalactic travel plans. There’re probably warrants out for your arrest in several sectors of space.”

Steve made a face, and you shrugged.

“I told him it was weird. Unfortunately, you have a really good face. And we couldn’t waste time running from all the people after him.”

He was watching you carefully, and you wished you knew what he was searching for. More than anything you wanted to give him what he wanted, whatever it would take to normalize your relationship again. Still, you doubted that was possible when he asked, “And none of that bothers you?”

“The man makes poor choices. I’m not defending that.”

“But you’re defending the rest of his story.”

“Well, that’s not a question of moral ambiguity. It’s just what happened.”

“You have to admit it’s hard to swallow. Especially considering his word is all we have to go on.”

You dug an eyetooth into the corner of your lip and glanced away. You’d intended on keeping this to yourself, considering the group’s general reaction to what you’d already shared. But this is Steve. The two of you had gotten pretty close since you’d taken it upon yourself to help him acclimate. S.H.I.E.L.D. had tried to point out that this was not within your job’s purview, but you’d never let that stop you before. “That’s… not exactly all we have.”

“What do you mean?”

You took a deep breath and looked back at him, because this assertion would require unwavering eye contact. “I’ve been having memories, too. Of the other timeline.”

He appeared interested but far from convinced. “You don’t think Loki might have planted those, too?”

“They don’t feel like him. They feel like me. Except that they never happened to me, at least not this version of me.” You tucked your hands under your arms because your fingers were restless without your gun to sooth them. Alas, it had been confiscated and locked away somewhere. “Besides, what I’m remembering doesn’t benefit him at all. He wouldn’t waste his energy on implanting memories that don’t have anything to do with him. Most of it’s earth stuff, things that would have happened if he’d been taken back to Asgard as planned.”

“Like what?” 

You took his genuine curiosity as a good sign. “It’s only fragments of things from different times. Tony blows up a bunch of his suits. A guy with wings. Aircrafts falling from the sky…”

“Sounds like a dream I had after a late-night movie and too much pizza.” His voice snapped your focus back to him. Incredulity had pushed the curiosity from his expression. Turns out he wasn’t quite as open to this as you might have hoped.

“You ask me to track down a man with a metal arm,” you threw out, like the Hail Mary pass in a game you were pretty sure was already lost.

Still, at least this one got him a little more invested. “I don’t know a man with a metal arm.”

“Neither do I.” You stared at the immaculate floor, nary even a scuff to turn your attention to. You wished you’d never brought any of this up. All you’d done was heap more onto the pile of things he didn’t believe.

“Do you find him?” he asked after a few beats of silence, and you met his gaze again with a wry smile.

“I don’t know. It’s all kind of vague. But I am very good at finding things that don’t want to be found. I even managed to keep track of Bruce, back in the day.”

He tried to return your smile, but he couldn’t hold it. His hands moved restlessly on either side of his suit’s belt buckle, and his eyes shifted away. You sighed. “Steve, you know me. You know I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t one-hundred-percent believe it was true.”

“I know. You’re not the problem. The problem is Loki.”

“But he’s not the problem either!” Your hands came loose to fly through the air. “The real problem is the guy with genocide on his mind who sent him. In this arena, Loki is as much a victim as the rest of us.”

He had his inscrutable Captain face on again. “Have you told him about your memories?”

“Yes.” You frowned and tried to come up with something productive to do with your hands. “We spent a lot of time together, and small talk runs out real quick when one of us has never seen a movie. He wasn’t exactly surprised by the turn of events. Apparently, something similar involving wizards happens in the other timeline. He’s been trying to figure me out from the beginning and has some theories but nothing concrete. Honestly, I’m not used to having something think about me as much as he does, and I'm not sure what to do with it.”

The last part was tacked on, more stream of consciousness than anything you’d planned on divulging. Loki would point out that you were rambling. 

To his credit, Steve took the wizards comment in stride, or maybe he skipped over it entirely. “You care about him.”

It wasn’t a question but not quite an accusation either. Close, though.

You shrugged, shoulders dropping low, and you wished you could figure out what to do with your hands. “I tried not to. He’s just… he’s not the villain everyone sees, the one he wants everyone to see. There’s so much more to him than that.”

He was also caring to the point of self-destruction. His mother used to sing him lullabies when he was upset. He enjoys the feeling of fingernails scratching his scalp. More than anything we wanted to be seen as his brother’s equal. But none of that was relevant to your current conversation.

“You have to admit, he doesn’t make it easy.”

Another sigh that tasted of hopelessness and defeat. “No, he doesn’t.”

He was still studying you with worrying intensity, and yet all you could think about was how Loki would be wondering why you hadn’t made it to the lab yet. Steve’s voice was concerned but firm when he asked, “Are you really going to be able to put all of this behind you?”

A fair question, that. You tried to comb your fingers through your hair, but they got caught on a multitude of tangles. Space barbers were terrifying, and you’d taken every precaution to avoid them. “I don’t have any choice, do I? What he did to Asgard, to Jotenheim, he did under his own volition. Regardless of his innocence here, he’s still bound for a jail cell in another galaxy.”

“And you don’t do long distance relationships.” He finally gave you something like a smile, more with one side of his mouth than the other, and air left your nose in a burst of dry humor. 

“I don’t. Not even for a talking raccoon with an appreciation for fine craftsmanship.” You shook your head as his eyebrows rose. “Long story – remind me to tell you it when we’re all friends again.”

“We are friends. But we’re also Avengers.” Only he could say something like that and not sound corny.

“And I’ve sided with a known enemy. I get it. But I believe I can get you all to see things my way.”

“You really think you’ll be able to do that?”

“I have to. Someday this will be the past, and I need to be able to look back on it and know we got it right.”

Loki felt some of the tension leave his muscles as you finally appeared on the screen. It had taken longer for you to reach the lab than he’d expected, unless the room was much further away than his estimation. It was far more likely the good Captain had waylaid you on the journey.

“Do you love her, brother?”

He’d almost forgotten Thor had stayed behind. He turned to the hulking man with a smile that read like a sneer. “What is this? A foolhardy attempt to find a sliver of humanity left in your murderous, warmongering brethren?”

“You are not a murderer when you look at her.”

That set him back, and he struggled to maintain his detachment. “I care for her because my alternative self wished it so.”

“And that is the full sum of your feelings?”

Loki did not appreciate his brother’s prying, especially when done so perceptively. “What does it matter to you? Imprisonment awaits me regardless, does it not?”

“Perhaps, if we could prove to father-”

“Do not insult us both by offering me false promises of forgiveness and reconciliation. Odin has already decided my future. He decided it long ago when he stole me away and filled my head with lies.”

Thor stared at him for some time before he said, “She says you waged war on this planet under the control of another, and this may well be true. But the hate which you have allowed to consume you whole, which festers inside of you until you snap at the hands that would offer you help, _that_ you have nurtured yourself. And that is where your reckoning will come from.”

He didn’t allow Loki time to formulate a response, but instead threw back his shoulders and turned towards the door. “I must inform Asgard of your successful capture.”

Then he too left, and Loki was once more completely alone. He turned his attention back to screen, trying to ignore the way Thor’s words prodded at his brain. He watched you pull your hair free from a long, white coat and instead thought about how much less hatred he felt with you by his side and how unlikely he was to know this peace again.


	4. That's kind of the textbook definition of Stockholm syndrome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the other day someone (it was a guest, but I'm assuming it was the same one), went through pretty much everything I've got on here and left kudos. Just... like... ten points to that person. That's a lot of material, my dude.

You walked into the lab and took in a deep breath of science at work. “You got an extra lab coat lying around?” Bruce pointed at a hook near the door. You slipped on the familiar white garment and let out a long sigh. “Yeah, that’s the stuff.”

Across the room, Tony stood up abruptly and strode out the door, eyes on his tablet and Rhodey on his heels. Your shoulders drooped under your new coat. “When I burn bridges, I take them straight to ash, don’t I?”

“He certainly is mad.” Bruce smiled in his reserved, hesitant way. “But Tony also tends to react emotionally to things. I’m sure he’ll calm down eventually.”

“And why aren’t you? Mad, I mean.”

“I’m always mad. I try not to direct it at people. That tends not to work out for anyone.” He turned his gaze back to the screen he was scrolling through, and his smile took on an extra layer of humor. “And I got the opportunity to slam Loki around like a rag doll. It was pretty therapeutic.”

“I feel that. I shot him several times myself.”

“Also, I kind of get it.” He caught your look of surprise and quickly amended, “I’m not saying I’m ready to invite the guy to my Super Bowl party, but… when I turn into the Other Guy, I lose all control over what happens. And with all the damage I’ve caused, there’s no chance people didn’t get hurt along the way. So if what he’s saying about mind control is true, I don’t exactly have grounds to hold it against him.”

“Have I mentioned lately that you’re my favorite?” You hopped onto a stool and dropped your chin into your palm. “I was going to make you pants.”

He paused his research to blink at you from behind his glasses. “Come again?”

“Stretchy pants. Pants that would expand and contract as you do. You don’t want for much when it comes to artillery. I was pretty close to nailing down the right mix of polymers, but then, you know… space kidnapping.”

“Do you want to talk about that?”

“If you want, but I think it’d be easier to just send you my preliminary designs, though, fair warning, right now they’re this garish shade of purple-”

“No, I don’t… I don’t mean the pants. I’m talking about the… ‘space kidnapping.’ It’s been almost a year, and we’ve hardly scratched the surface of what happened, let alone the effect it’s had on you.”

You tried to smile, but it felt strained. “You’re not that kind of doctor.”

“I don’t have to be just to listen.

“That’s very generous of you, but I promise I’m fine. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s not like he terrorized me for kicks or kept me chained up in a basement. I pretty much got to do whatever I wanted, just in space.”

“Then why didn’t you ever try to contact any of us?”

You sighed and stared down at the table so you didn’t have to look at his too-kind face. “I didn’t think about it. It was always just, ‘this is the current problem – how do we fix it?’”

“And the answer was never to call for back up.”

“Does that surprise you? Asking for help has never really been my strong point. And besides, you all would have dogpiled on Loki the minute he was within range. And that’s… not what he needed. It still isn’t.” You watched him study you like an unbalanced equation and fought the urge to bang your head into the table. “You think I’ve gone dark side, too.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Then what do you think, doc?”

“I think…you have an incredible capacity for empathy.”

“But?”

“I don’t have a but.” He tried and failed to stare you down. “I’m worried you’re wasting your empathy on someone undeserving.”

“For the record, he would agree with you. He’s never fully accepted that I want to help him. He’d just barely stopped trying to send me home.”

“He… tried to send you back, and you wouldn’t go?”

Uh oh. His tone had lost some of its evenness. 

“Only a handful times, and he only got me all the way to earth once.” 

“You were safe on earth, and you still found a way to get back to the guy who kidnapped you.” Now his tone was too flat and his eyebrows were much higher than they should be. 

“When you say it like that it sounds way worse than it is. I know you’re all looking for evidence of Stockholm syndrome or something, and that’s not it. But you spend enough time with a guy under the right circumstances, ands you start to understand some things. I finally saw that what he really needs is help, and I felt like I was the only one who could give it to him.”

“You do realize that’s kind of the textbook definition of Stockholm syndrome, right?”

“Okay, point you, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. You think some kind of manipulation went on, and that’s not what happened.”

“So what exactly did happen?”

“We went on crazy space adventures and sort of became BFFs.”

“Just BFFs?” 

This time his stare was so intent it wore you down, and your eyes fell to your fingers and the invisible patterns they traced. “We also might be a little in love? I don’t know. It’s really hard to tell. It also doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the facts of what happened or what needs to happen. The memories still need to come out and he still needs to go to jail.”

“And what about what you need?”

“I need a drink. But not now. I don’t drink on the job except by accident. But definitely after. A drink and a bath and maybe a Tahitian vacation.” You glanced up at his blank expression and tried to keep your voice level. “I don’t supposed I can get you to swear not to tell Tony about that last part? About us possibly being… you know…”

“Doctor-patient confidentiality. It stays between us, and honestly, I’m probably better off not thinking about it.”

“Understandable.” You took a deep breath and straightened your shoulders. “Okay, we have work to do. What are we thinking so far?”

“Actually, Tony… acquired some files from S.H.I.E.L.D. that look promising.”

“He hacked into S.H.I.E.L.D. _again?_ ”

“For the sake of plausible deniability, I didn’t ask.”

“We probably didn’t have much of a choice anyway. I’m sure my clearance has been revoked by now.”

“The schematics are pretty old.” He flipped the tablet around to face you as he spoke. “They appear to have been intercepted from a Soviet R&D group focused on human experimentation.” 

If he said more, you didn’t hear it, too shocked by what you read. “This… this is insane. It’s got no targeting mechanism, no safety protocols. It’s akin to using a hatchet to do the work of a chisel. A person’s entire brain could be wiped clean in minutes. Not to mention the whole process would be incredibly painful for the patient. What were these people thinking?”

“Like I said, the focus was on human experimentation. I doubt they gave much thought to the subjects’ comfort. And before you jump to any conclusions, I’m not suggesting we use the device as it’s currently outlined. But I do think this could be a good starting point.”

“Actually,” you did your best to push your horror aside and focus on the current goal, “I have something that might help. A while ago I worked on an advanced medical procedure that had the unfortunate side effect of making patients go a little whackadoo. We subverted it by rewriting their memories, though we had to do full cranial removal to gain access.”

“I’m sorry – what kind of medical procedure was this?” Bruce looked to have found some horror of his own.

“That’s classified. The point is, we were able to erase only certain memories, albeit much more invasively than with whatever crapshoot this is.” You waved a hand at the screen displaying sketches of a terrifying looking chair. “And unfortunately with a pain level that can’t be discounted. But between these two methods as a basis and all the brains in this joint, we should be able to come up with something both highly effective and nominally unpleasant.”

Bruce nodded as you brought up your redacted files from the project. Enough should be left to give him the gist of what he’d need to know. You slid the tablet back around to face him. “Do you want to do the science-y bits and I’ll get started on the hardware?”

“Sounds like a plan.” 

He immediately became engrossed in your notes, and you activated the tabletop to pull up a blueprint program. A few minutes passed in silence as you both got to work. Then, quietly and without looking up, you said the two words you should have said long before. “Thank you.”


	5. My stupid head is entirely at your disposal.

“What is this?” 

“I haven’t been gone so long we stopped using specs, have I?” You didn’t bother looking away from the hologram in front of you, pinching a part of it smaller and giving it a spin. Tony moved into your periphery, challenging your attempt to backburner him.

“You really think now is the right time to send me ideas for suit upgrades?”

“I’m multitasking. You didn’t have to open them.”

“Of course I was going to open them!” He smacked the tablet down on the table, causing the image you were working with to shimmer in offense. “Just like you knew I would. But you can’t bribe me into forgiving you with schematics for a new targeting system.”

“A: sure I can. I’ve done it before. Two: I’m not trying to bribe forgiveness out of you.”

“You know I hate it when you mix list levels.”

“Of all the things you hate right now, I’d say that one ranks pretty low.”

“I don’t want upgrades you thought of while playing Bonnie and Clyde with an intergalactic fugitive who threw me out a window.”

“Then don’t take them,” you snapped. You waved a hand to dismiss your diagram, just in time to get a clear view of Bruce’s anxious glance from the other side. Great, now your fighting was stressing out the guy whose response to negative stimuli often resulted in massive property damage. You took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I need to measure his head.” 

“You need to what now?”

“Measure Loki’s head. For the device dimensions.” You began to pull open drawers, searching for anything that looked like a high-tech tape measure, as Tony stared at you like you’d suggesting stripping Loki naked in order to get more accurate measurements.

“You’ve spent a year with him. Guesstimate it.”

“If the proportions are off even the slightest bit, the procedure could kill him.”

“Not seeing the downside.”

“Either be helpful or go away.”

“You can’t kick me out of the lab I pay for.” Still, he leaned over and produced a laughably normal tape measure from a drawer by his foot. However, when you reached for it, he pulled back, curling his fingers to hide it from view. “You’re not going anywhere near him. I’ll take Maleficient’s measurements.”

“He’s not going to agree to that, considering you’re just as liable to wrap that thing around his neck as his head.” Breathe in, breathe out. Remember you’re basically dealing with an overgrown toddler. “You want to get this all over with as soon as possible, right? Just let me do it. It’s not like he can cause too much harm when you’ve got him trapped in a box.”

“Which is exactly why we shouldn’t delivery him something so breakable.”

You stared at him for a second, seeing his stubbornness for what it really was. “He won’t hurt me.”

“I dare you to give me definitive proof of that.”

“That last year, for starters.” You sighed as he snorted, looking unmoved. “I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but can’t you just… trust me?”

What followed was the most terrible span of time where he did not answer.

“We can call the rest of the team back in,” Bruce offered into the horrible silence, eyes darting between the two of you. “That way we’ll have the firepower on hand to put him down if we have to.”

“You won’t have to. But fine, whatever gets you to pass me the strangely pedestrian tape measure.”

Tony hesitated, probably more for his pride than any actual objection, and then he dropped it into your hand. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

For the first time since you’d been back, you and Tony found something to agree on.

Everyone came together quickly, as if waiting for the summons. They’d probably all be on high alert up to the very moment Loki left earth once more. The man himself looked over the group with interest, though his eyes landed on you with their questions. You frowned back, waiting for Bruce to open the door. You didn’t want to deal with the drama vis-à-vis whether he would ever cause you harm. You both knew the truth, even if the others couldn’t accept it.

With a hiss of released air pressure, a panel in the side of his cube opened for you to step through, and you swore you felt a breeze as every body in the room tensed at once. Loki raised a single eyebrow, smiling in a way that was purely for show. “Hello, darling, have they been treating you well?”

“Don’t,” you ordered under your breath. “You promised.”

“Well then, what brings you to my humble corner of the cell?”

Resigning yourself to his inability to completely ignore his inclination to antagonize, you held up the tape. “I need to know how big your stupid head is.”

“By all means, my stupid head is entirely at your disposal.”

Why did all the men in your life make you want to throw things? 

(Except for Bruce. He gets a pass. Steve gets half a pass.)

You pressed up on your toes to reach, because of course the jerk wouldn’t condescend to lean down. You’d just gotten it settled and made a mental note of the number, when your Achilles tendon decided it didn’t like the way you stretched it and popped in protest. It was mildly painful and mostly irritating, but it sent a twitch through your entire body as you fell back on your heels. Loki’s steadying hand on your hip was automatic. You doubted he’d had the time to think through all the implications and do it intentionally just to piss off a room full of super heroes.

Unfortunately, accidents happen.

You heard the threat of a repulsor charging before you heard the actual, verbalized threat of, “Hands off.”

Initially, his hand stayed right where it was, a familiar cool pressure through the alien pants you’d never bothered to change out of. You squeezed your eyes shut so you didn’t have to see his expression, how he watched for your reaction. Your jaw clenched so tight with your frustration, with the increasing futility of your efforts to somehow keep everyone in balance, the only word you managed to get out was a pinched, “Please.”

Slowly, the weight of his hand lifted, and you opened your eyes to see a new mask had fallen into place. Then he took one step back and inclined his head in a manner that could only be described as regal. And a little snotty. You hoped your face looked apologetic, but honestly you had no idea what it was actually doing. You didn’t want to leave him like this, knowing it would feel like betrayal and abandonment, but what other choice did you have?

“That was uncalled for.” Your words were loud to be heard over the second hiss of the door closing. You marched on Tony, who had lowered his armored arm, palm still glowing faintly. “If I have a problem, I’ll take care of it myself.”

“The problem is you don’t know how to identify a problem anymore.” 

“And who are you to decide what a problem is for me?”

Tony frowned to almost physical effect. “We are trying to help you. How are you not getting that?”

“Why don’t we-” Steve might have been playing at mediator, but you cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

“This isn’t what I need your help with! I need you to help me build a machine to fix his brain, and you blasting him because he made sure I didn’t fall over is not contributing to that objective.”

“I literally could not care less about his brain. The only reason we’re doing any of this is so you’ll get out of the way and let us send him to the punishment he deserves.”

Your breath left your nose with all the heat of an angry bull. “You have no idea what he deserves.”

“Guys-” This time Natasha tried to break in but to no avail.

“Stop defending him,” Tony bit out, unarmored hand flexing. “Why do you keep ignoring the fact he tried to kill us?”

“He was manipulated! I cannot comprehend why that’s so hard for you to get. Wanda tried to kill you, and afterwards you let her right into the club!”

“Who’s Wanda?”

You stopped, blinked, tried to backtrack your train of thought but it was gone, a faint pain blossoming in its place. “Who?”

“What do you mean ‘who?’” Tony’s rage had been replaced with confusion, his repulsor going offline entirely. “You’re the one who said it. Who’s Wanda?”

“I don’t… never mind.” The pain was growing now, a sharp stab behind your left eye.

"No, you don't get to say never mind. _Who is Wanda?_ ”

“Is she from the other timeline?” Steve asked in a much more even tone, though it sounded like a question one would ask someone in the midst of a psychotic break. Though, that’s probably what he thought was happening.

“Maybe… I…” You pressed your fingers into your temple, willing the ache away even as your vision began to spot. It would pass in a minute or two. Probably. “Just forget it. We’ve got… we’ve got a… thing… to build.”

“Is the pain worse?” Loki stood as close to the glass wall of his prison as possibly without pressing his nose to it. And while you appreciated his concern, this was not the time.

Case in point, Tony sounded quite put out. “Somebody better fill me in quick, because I’m about to lose it.”

“I can remember the other timeline, too, okay?” You blinked a few times, trying to clear the aura that blocked half your vision. “Sometimes. Sort of.”

“Are you all right?” Bruce sounded near, but it seemed even he was wary of approaching you too closely.

“I’m fine. I just… it’ll go away in a second.”

“What will?”

“Ocular migraine. Not a big deal.” And truthfully, It was beginning to fade, which meant you had a clear view of everyone staring at you with various degrees of apprehension.

“Does this always happen when you remember something from the other timeline?” Steve was in full captain mode, defining the obstacle and planning countermeasures. Which, once again, appreciated, but you knew Tony would only be getting more riled, because Steve's lack of surprise indicated prior, proprietary knowledge.

“It varies.”

“Is this a frequent occurrence?” Bruce had put on his doctor voice, calm in a way his expression hadn’t quite reached yet.

“I wouldn’t say frequent. Occasional. When something triggers a memory.”

Tony, on the other hand, made no effort to temper his emotions. “Excuse me, but you’ve been having these memories, and you didn’t feel the need to share with the group?”

“I was trying to avoid pretty much exactly this reaction.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem telling Steve.” He had the nerve to sound almost betrayed.

“Steve hasn’t yelled at me once since I got back, and you have yet to stop!” You tried to run a hand through your hair, and then yanked it free when once again your fingers got caught in the mass of tangles. “Like I said, it’s not a big deal. I’m handling it.”

“I believe it’s worse here,” Loki still watched you like combustion was imminent, “where there are more connections for the memories to take root.”

“Is this you?” Nat’s voice was flat as she addressed him, but underneath a layer of danger clearly simmered, made even more threatening by Clint's dark glare from over her shoulder. “Did you put this in her head?”

Loki, not one to visibly fall prey to intimidation so easily, kept his eyes on you. “Do I know Wanda?”

You thought for a moment, and then slowly shook your head. He turned his gaze to the redhead, trademark smirk already in place, though only you would be able to tell it was more act than truth. “Not me then, I’m afraid.”

“Right, we’ll just take your word for it.” Rhodey watched everything with a kind of detached incredulity, nostrils flaring as he glared at the man behind the glass.

“You don’t have to believe him,” you said, drawing the colonel’s attention before more sparring could break out. “I already told Steve he has nothing to do with this. I mean, besides causing the initial diversion in the timelines, but he had help, so you can’t really blame the whole thing on him.”

“You’re not exactly worth listening to right now either, princess.” Rhodes crossed his arms and leaned back against a table as he gave you the same look of mild distaste. “A year with this guy would be enough to fry anyone’s brain.”

“Tread lightly, friend of Stark.” Thor’s warning was low but plain. He’d been unusually quiet throughout this whole debacle, mostly leaving it to you to hold the defensive line. “You speak of my brother.”

“Why don’t you have a conversation with your brother about kidnapping women and driving them insane? Seriously, how bad does the conditioning have to get to cause this kind of brain damage?”

You felt immediate affront at the mere assertion your mental capacity had been compromised, and your tone rose to match. “I do not have brain damage! Reality has brain damage!”

“That’s really not something a sane person says.”

Okay, so he was right. You were deducting his point for the jerkiness of his delivery.

“Can we please stay on task?” It was clear Rhodes would not be an ally for you anytime soon. Better to just leave him to corrode in his own causticity. “I think we can all agree the first step to getting anywhere is fixing Loki. Then we can talk about whatever’s going on in my head. Copacetic? Great. Let’s go team.”

You powerwalked from the room before anyone could stop you. You had all of five blissful minutes of peace alone with your holograms before the door whooshed and Tony stalked in. “You can’t drop a bomb like that and then just expect us to pretend nothing has changed.”

“What do you want me to say, Tony?”

“I don’t know, maybe that you acknowledge something is intensely wrong here?”

“Something is wrong, but you won’t listen to me, and I’m tired of arguing with an immovable force.”

He appeared at your side, and you could see the disbelief on his face even from the corner of your eye. “Has he messed with your mind so much that you can’t recognize when people are trying to take care of you?”

“It doesn’t feel like caring. It feels like you keep slapping me and then expect a thank you.”

You heard his exhale clearly and possibly detected a little regret in his tone as he said, “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We worked so hard, for months, to rescue you. I didn’t think you’d be okay. I thought you’d come back in pieces, and we’d have to try to put you back together again. I thought you were gone.”

Now you did look at him, eyes narrow. “And you would have preferred that? Would rather that I be a dribbling mess crushed by trauma?”

“Maybe.” His answer surprised you. You’d expected him to get defensive. “Dribbling mess might be better than watching you take the enemy’s side.”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side. But I also think the punishment should fit the crime. And none of you is even making an attempt at fully understanding his crimes.”

“So, what, he claims coercion and we’re supposed to look past the fact that he went full _Independence Day_ on us?”

“I’m not asking you to trust him. I know you can’t. But what about me? After everything, can’t you trust me?”

The silence stretched as his eyes shifted between yours. And then he said a word that sent a sharp pain straight through your heart. “No. Not when you’re choosing him.”

You swallowed and turned back to your blueprints so that he wouldn’t be able to see the hint of tears beginning to form. “Fine.”

He shifted closer, almost like he intended to comfort you, but your posture only ratcheted tighter. His voice was softer when he spoke again. “We really should do an MRI to figure out these migraines. Something might be really wrong.”

“My brain is fine, but you can scan it as much as you want after we take care of Loki. Before Director Fury comes to arrest me.”

“I already told you, we’re not going to-”

“I’m not lying about anything I've done. That would make it sound like I’m ashamed of my actions. And I’m not.”

Another silence while he stared at you and your busy hands making modifications to the device design that was the only thread of hope you had left to cling to. Eventually, he said, almost to himself, “What happened to you, kid?”

You didn’t bother to respond, knowing that no answer you could give would satisfy him.


End file.
